PPE as vestments

Me in my chaplain vestments.

As an Anabaptist, I had never experienced the ritual of putting on vestments before holy rituals. I have sat in Catholic mass in Latin America and admired the beautifully crafted stoles of the priest. I have listened to Episcopal colleagues discuss the meaning of each color of vestment (it seems we’re in high purple season right now during Lent). But I haven’t been the one putting on the vestments until now. This year, I am working as a hospital chaplain in the era of Covid, and as such, some of the holiest rituals require the most intense PPE. 

As I talk with other chaplains, there are certain rituals that are emerging. There’s the call to comfort, where someone is hospitalized with COVID, and they have just learned that their spouse has died of the same disease. There’s the call for prayers when a patient knows that their breathing is too labored, and they need the support of a ventilator. Keenly aware that they may never regain consciousness, their future is filled with uncertainty. There are calls for prayer for a miracle when a patient spends days on a ventilator without showing any signs of improvement. There are calls for support when it is time to withdraw support knowing death is imminent. There are calls to guide families through that one last tearful goodbye as visitors are able to come in to visit at the very end. So many kinds of suffering, so many prayers lifted to heaven. 

As chaplains we use our bodies to enter into the lives of patients, sometimes serving as a surrogate for the family and clergy who are not able to be physically present with them. The PPE we wear becomes the symbol for the holy work we are called to, that unique place of ministry. The other day I was ministering in a room and the patient coughed, and it served to remind me that she has Covid and I had not properly suited up. Suddenly I felt naked as I sat there with only my surgical mask. I excused myself to put on the gown, gloves, and N95 mask that I needed in order to safely do the work. The worry that I myself might get covid has gone down over the last few months, especially now that I have had access to a vaccine. But PPE continues to be the best way to protect everyone to the extent that we are able.

Part of the beauty of seeing PPE as vestments is that it demonstrates the holiness not only of the chaplain’s work, but the other providers on the patient’s care team. The nurses, doctors, cleaning staff, respiratory therapists and countless others whose essential work offers the best care possible; they also put on these vestments. Their work too is holy. And the courage and persistence which they bring each time they suit up encourages me and keeps my work sustainable. Together we learn and live our way into this new reality.